The Heart Attack Grill really delivers

By Mark Rodriguez

I don’t know if this was some sort of irony or just a matter of something that was bound to happen. I have no idea who has the legitimate right to say ‘I told you so’ but yeah… someone should. About 2 weeks ago someone actually had a heart attack at the Heart Attack Grill and was carried out in a real ambulance.

For those that still don’t know about this place, which has been shown on food-related tv shows and opened a new resteraunt in downtown Las Vegas, this is a resteraunt that serves the ultimate in unhealthy food. When I first heard of this place, I thought it was just a gimmick. Something to name the resteraunt over and make a joke about. After all, Burger King gives people little paper crowns, but it’s not like the place actually has anything to do with royalty. Well, the Heart Attack Grill is all over the place with its theme of serving super greasy food I guess, for the hell of it.

And what gimmicks am I talking about? Well, first off the place goes with the whole heart attack theme. The waitresses are dressed like nurses and you get to wear hospital gowns when you sit to eat. The orders are referred to as ‘prescriptions’ and the food… well the food is referred to as triple and quadruple bypass burgers and flatliner fries. And let’s not forget the buttermilk shakes. The food is actually super greasy and cooked in lard. Geez, who the hell uses lard anymore? Last time I saw people cook in lard was in Mexico. Plus, bacon in itself is greasy enough naturally, it doesn’t need to be dumped into more. The burgers are so big you actually get to eat for free if you can finish it… and people over 350 pounds also get to eat for free. People over 350 pounds shouldn’t be eating that kinda crap anyway unless they wanna live up to the resteraunt’s name. I also hope they’re joking about the chances to win free lyposuctions….

I kinda doubt the 350 pound dude eating for free is gonna be as muscular as the guy in the photo

Now, I’ve heard a lot of complaints from people downing this place, and other people saying they have the right to eat what they want, and there needs to be places for bigger folks to eat. Well, I say hell to the fuck no. If you wanna eat, stick to McDonald’s, Burger King, Del Taco, whatever. Regular fast food places are greasy enough as is, but being as big as 350 pounds and going to a place that purposely dumps their food in lard and packs it to the brim with calories and cholesterol is just fucked up on all sorts of levels. It’s almost assisted suicide. I agree, you have the right to eat whatever you want, but we have the right to bear arms but it doesn’t mean every Barney Pfife in town needs a gun in their house where they risk shooting themselves in the foot.

It’s just some kind of tragedy or twisted dark comedy when a guy in a resteraunt full of ‘nurses’ goes under cardiac arrest and no one knows what to do. The place has a fake ambulance parked outside at all times… so when the guy got pulled out in a real ambulance… the on-goers either kept walking or stopped and stared to smirk thinking it was ‘all part of the act’. I wonder if the poor guy’s first moments of suffering was ignored as people thinking he was just making a joke on the place’s name. Not a place for the late Red Foxx to eat.

                                        Not even Johnny could eat the Quadruple Bypass Burger....

I wonder how long this place will last, and if there will be any other incidents. I think it’s been around for a while, and correct me if I’m wrong if this isn’t the first time there actually was a heart attack at the Heart Attack Grill. Well…. At least no one can sue them for false advertising….

YA GOT THAT RIGHT!!!!!